You Know You Are A Dog
Person When...
- You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard,
but no small children.
- Lintwheels are on your shopping list every
week.
- You have baby gates permanently installed at
strategic places around the house, but no babies.
- The trash basket is more or less permanently
installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while
you're at work.
- You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Daddy.
- Your dog sleeps with you.
- Poop has become a source of conversation for
you and your spouse.
- You can't see out the passenger side of the
windshield because there are nose-prints all over the inside.
- You have 32 different names for your dog.
Most make no sense, but she understands.
- Your dog eats cat poop, but you still let her
kiss you (but not immediately afterward, of course).
- You like people who like your dog. You
despise people who don't.
- You carry dog biscuits in your purse or
pocket at all times.
- You talk about your dog the way other people
talk about their kid.
- You sign and send
birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog.
- You put an extra blanket on the bed so your
dog can be comfortable.
- You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and
cuddle your dog than go to the movies with your sweetie.
- You go to the pet supply store every Saturday
because it's one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog
inside, and your dog loves to go with you.
- You open your purse, and that big bunch of
baggies you use for pick-ups pops out.
- You get an extra-long hose on your
shower-massage just so you can use it to wash your dog in the tub,
without making the dog sit hip-deep in water.
- You and the dog come down with something like
flu on the same day.
- Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an
over-the-counter remedy from the drugstore.
- Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you
go buy lumber and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto
the bed by herself.
- Your license plate or license plate frame
mentions your dog.
- You don't think it's the least bit strange to
stand in the back yard chirping "Meg, pee!" over and over again,
while Meg tends to play and forget what she's out there for (but
what your neighbors think of your behavior is yet another story).
- You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to
your dog.
- You have your dog's picture on your office
desk (but no one else's).
- You lecture people on responsible dog
ownership every chance you get.
- You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog
in the morning before work.
- You are the only idiot walking in the pouring
rain because your dog needs her walk.
- You don't go to happy hours with co-workers
any more because you need to go home and see your dog.
- Your friend's dog acts as Best Dog at your
wedding.
- Your weekend activities are planned around
taking your dog for a hike (both days).
- You keep an extra water dish in your
second-floor bedroom, in case your dog gets thirsty at night (after
all, her other dish is way down on the first floor...).
- Your freezer contains more dog bones than
anything else.
- You never completely finish a piece of steak
or chicken (so your dog gets a taste, too).
- You shovel a zigzag path in the back yard
snow so your dog can reach all her favorite spots.
- You avoid vacuuming the house as long as
possible because your dog is afraid of the vacuum cleaner.
- You keep eating even after finding a dog hair
in your pasta.
- You make popcorn just to play catch with your
dog.
- You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet
instead of pictures of your parents, siblings, significant other, or
anyone else remotely human.
- Your dog is the star of your World Wide Web
site!
- Your parents refer to your pet as their
granddog.
- You hang around the dog section of your local
bookstore.
- Your jewelry box contains no jewels... just
those fasteners from vari-kennels.
- Every time you read the name Bob, you think
the guy's first name is Best of Breed.
- Your house isn't carpeted--the fuzzy furballs
under your feet are soft enough...
- Your hungry hubby comes home from work, lifts
the cover of the pan on the stove and says, "Is this people food or
dog food?"
- Your hungry hubby once ate the dog food and
asked for seconds.
- You don't give a second thought to using the
brush you just used on your dog to give a quick run through on your
own hair.
- At your dinner parties, you always double
check the butter before putting it on the table.
- You put important papers in your latest issue
of your breed magazine you know you will find them there.
- You have dog hair stuck on tape on wrapped
gifts.
- You have dog toys and treats in your
briefcase.
- You have several albums filled with the 8 by
10 pictures of your dogs but you can't locate any pictures of your
kids to send to grandma.
- You show up at the car dealers with a ruler,
to measure and see if your big dog crate will fit. Before the actual
purchase you make the dealer cringe by insisting that you load both
crates and dog into the shiny, new vehicle to make sure it works!
- You can't get the groceries in the car
because its
- A) already full of dog food
- B) you have that big old crate in there.
- You visit relatives only if there is a dog
show nearby.
- You remove all the seats from the van except
the two in the front so you have room for crates...
- The passenger seat is full of dog stuff.
- You cringe at the price of food in the
grocery store but think nothing of the cost of dog food or treats.
- You have six squeaky hedgehogs... but only 1
with a squeaky that works.
- You put popcorn in the clean dog dish for
movie night.
- You pull out your credit card and little bits
of liver are stuck to it...
- When you get your latest roll of film and
there isn't a single picture of a two-legged person in it...
- People at work have stopped offering you
their lint brushes; they realize it is a hopeless case.
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